The Exodus

 Although I had issues with traditional church leaving on my own was never something I pursued. I went back and forth for the entire time I pastored ; one month I was happy as the leader of the church, the next month I was ready to pack up and go back home This kept my family in a constant state of unbalance, as you can imagine. After years of building a new church plant my wife and I divorced and this event brought an end to the church. Still unsure of what to do with myself I decided to go back to a Christian college and get my Bachelors degree in Counseling. It was in the spring of 2014 that I began my 'Red Sea" experience, my exodus from established, traditional church.  However, it was not the majestic, awe inspiring event that we have seen pictured in so many movies. For me it was a total devastation of all that I had invested my life into. It was an immediate destruction of my identity as a pastor and a christian. Take one part narcissistic church leader,  add one part Federal Agency raid and add a sprinkle of betrayal. Cook on high heat and then serve with a side of paranoia and panic attacks and there you have the perfect recipe for what my life became overnight. 

I felt as though my life was one big hazy nightmare. I was completely lost; spiritually, emotionally and physically. I went days without eating and nights without sleeping. I had so many screaming matches with God. I blamed him for all of this and accused Him of tricking me into living this life only to pull the rug out from under me. Depression was my constant friend.

But even with all of this chaos that I now found myself in, it was still another 14 months before I made a clean break and began the long climb out of the rubble of this disaster.

I imagine that some of you reading this have experienced similar situations. The details of your story are certainly going to be different from mine. Some of you reading may be feeling the stirring questions that keep you awake at night and you are considering leaving church as the only way to find peace. If you find yourself in either of these places I understand. I am here for you. Let's talk about it.

Aho Metakuye Ohayesin

Thom

In the Beginning....

I have been in a traditional church setting for most of my life. I believed all that I was told growing up. When I became an adult I started having lots of questions. Questions like, if God is love then how does he get any joy from seeing parts of his creation burn in Hell forever? Or why is the decision to go to Heaven or Hell left on me when Jesus said that if He was lifted up He would draw all men unto Himself? I could go on and on with the questions but I think you get the idea. Perhaps some of you reading can identify with this scenario yourself. I had so many questions and those who I thought would have the answers; those who had been in the faith much longer than me and knew the Bible much better than I did failed to satisfy my curiosity. The usual answer for these and other difficult questions was usually one of two answers. First, I was told to pray about and God would answer me. This left me thinking that if that's the case then what did I need a pastor for? The second answer was even more confusing. I was told that some things we weren't meant to know and that we just had to believe it by faith. So I was supposed to study and believe a sacred text thousands of years old that no one had answers to. This was the beginning of my issues with organized religion. 

How many of us would ever let our children go to school and sit under a teacher who would not give them the information they needed to pass a test, but would rather tell them to pray for the answer and if they didn't get one that they just have to embrace the notion that they were never meant to know the answer in the first place?

Or how about this one.Who among us would take a job, a new job that we had never done before, and during orientation wind up with a question? But when we go to the trainer for clarification we are told that we should just wait for the answer to to come and if it doesn't come we just move through the job the best we can by mimicing what we see others do or wait until we make an error and are then are told that what we did was not right? 

But this is how most people do church...or at least in my experience. I had difficult questions that those in leadership would not or could not answer. I was left, along with many other well meaning believers who I fellowshipped with to do my best without the information that I needed.

It was this kind of unbearable ignorance that started my exit from mainstream church. After a while I just stopped asking the questions. They still existed within me, but I already knew there would be no answer for them and this led to a great deal of frustration with church leaders. How can they lead when they couldn't give a simple explanation to what they were teaching me to do? Sadly, when I later became a pastor I fell prey to this same form of ignorance and then I understood. I didn't want to be responsible for giving an answer to someone that I couldn't justify within myself.  This gave me understanding as to why some church leaders had answered like they did. But it also made me angry within myself that I had been sucked into the same empty vortex and was doing the same thing to those I was pastoring.

This was the beginning of my ending with the institutional church. But wait....there's more.

Aho Metakuye Ohayesin

Thom

 Welcome to my blog. Here you will find insights and information about my transition from being the pastor of a local church to becoming an Earthkeeper Shaman and how I lost my religion but gained a deeper relationship with God. Some of you may agree and connect with what I blog about. Some readers will have strong feelings that I have backslid and am in danger of hell fire.  Whatever your thoughts I encourage you to follow along. Perhaps this blog will provoke you to ask yourself some difficult questions regarding religion of God versus relationship with God.  I am here to share the things that I have picked up (and some that I have dropped off) along my journey that have helped me and may help you as well. 

Many of my thoughts come from my time spent in sacred space with Spirit meditating or praying. Others come to me through nature and still others come through dreams and visions.

Thanks for stopping by and check back every Tuesday,Thursday and Saturday for a new post. Your comments are welcomed and encouraged.

Aho Metakuye Ohayasin / (We are all related)

Thom